but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
