I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
