Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
