The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
