come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
