If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
