I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
