I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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