they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was CRYING into my vagina
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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