The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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