The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
