So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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