Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am available for nakedness
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
