Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
