I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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