it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
