i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
