I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
