i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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