All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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