May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
