ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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