we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
