You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
