I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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