Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
