trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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