I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
