i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
