Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
