so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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