She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
