Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you made out with another girl for some wings
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
