I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
