I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
