Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
