Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
