If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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