I just made out with a guy for $7.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
