am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
