apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
