Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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