I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
