Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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