I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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