There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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