Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
