So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
