you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
