Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
did i just pee glitter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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