I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
