3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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