i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
